Tag: neverstopexploring

Taming time, Hang in there

JOURNAL April 10, 2018

I often feel the urge to get it all done before it’s too late,

time knocking at my door and telling me to hurry up, to not lose balance, to find the time to go bring an icecream to my grandma, find a job, an affordable flat with a nice view and sqweeze in some pilates.

 

 

And I thought that organizing my days in to-do lists would’ve made it look much clearer,

much smoother.

 

But they don’t seem to ever find a happy ending,

and I can’t find the space to fit those minutes of lighthearted goofyness

and unrelated talks,

 

Of early afternoon walks or finishing one of the projects I keep shaping and modelling in my head and inevitably end up adding to the bunches of ready-to-bloom bunches, hide them in the closet and leave there until the right moment comes.

 

 

But I also figured that if you’re not yet there – where you thought you’d be by now,

hang in there.

 

 

This is not to say that all things will work out, that you’ll afford a studio with a view on sunsets and no traffic sounds waking you up on weekends.

 

But don’t spend your night crying your fears out and your days trying to tame them.

It never worked for anyone.

 

 

Just put a tshirt on, roll up your sleeves and get your butt to work.

 

 

 

The right time comes

when you decide to let it in. 

 

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It’s not enough To be compassionate

JOURNAL April 3, 2018

I bought myself a pair of socks saying

 

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And it stroke me like a lightning,

uncomfortable truth slapped right on my cheek by a pair of pastel-coloured socks.

 

 

And after months of denials, of nodding to please and saying yes but feeling no,

After months of struggling with bad days and grey moods,

perpetually roller-coasting between long laughter and long tears,

 

I came to the conclusion that coming to compromise with everyone but myself, well,

that isn’t enough.

 

 

So I finally realized that I can’t be the perfect daughter,

the spotless friend

or the flawless hostel roommate.

That’s simply not me, that’s simply not my thing.

And that’s fine.

 

 

 

It’s fine that I can’t have a flat stomach after eating a whole pizza,

that I can’t be the next viral singer

or succeed in my first attempts at washing ups, entrepreneurship trials and relationship.

And that’s fine.

 

 

But I also figured that the best way to fall asleep with a hint of a smile drawn on my face is accepting what it is that makes me, me,

 

and water it.

 

 

And I might end up all tangled up in my thoughts and walking the stiffest way,

but as long as I do things my way – scratches and scars and all things summed up -,

 

it’ll all work out

one way or another.

 

After all,

sprouts aren’t made to be pretty at all times,

they’re a promise of finding a way out.

 

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