I should be leaving the city in a handful of minutes
– fractions of the life I’ve tried on for a few days.
I’m at the bar down the road,
keeping my fingers crossed to meet some of those people you only meet in your travels,
bare enough to tone down the tangles messing around with my sleep,
good enough to smooth these hard edges of mine.
Keeping my fingers crossed to finally find a place to make home
– even if just for a handful of months,
even if just for a slice of time.
But I sit here,
playing darts with my days trying to hit the mark,
ignoring this bad sight of mine and my perpetual fear of not being enough,
of making a false step,
hoping to hit that fucking mark.
There are two bartenders making my coffee on a random early spring day
and I almost asked them if maybe,
by any chance,
they needed another pair of spare hands to dry all those chipped ceramic plates.
by any chance,
they were looking for another laughter to join theirs when dropping things
behind the counter, not taking things too seriously.
Because I came to realize that the infinite thirst I’ve been trying to swab for all this time with clothes I don’t have the occasions to wear and black ink,
kicking in my sleep and begging me to listen,
was nothing but a cry for lightheartedness,
and coffees from whichever bar down the road of an ordinary city.
Lightness isn’t superficiality,
it is daring to be yourself,
trying lives on until you find the one that fits snugly.
I’m surely no expert when it comes to matters of the heart,
nor am I fortune-teller interpreting stars and signs,
but I’ve learnt that the best gift you can give yourself is to let go of
the buoy of taking yourself too seriously
and get lost.
And when the soles of your shoes are paper-thin
and you run out of breath,
sit on a bench,
enjoy the view
and then go back to getting lost until you stumble on what you’ve been looking for.
And call it by its name
– little does it matter if we’re talking about heart,
And what you may find is a bar down the road of whichever ordinary city,
where the coffee may be bad
– but it’s served by people with a smile drawn on their cheeks who laugh when they stumble behind the counter.
A tiny memo saying that it’s okay if you stumble,
that it’s fine to not be too hard on yourself.
A hot coffee, two bartenders behind the counter and all that’s within.
As simple as that.