WHITE CANVAS

 

I OFTEN FIND MYSELF ASKING QUESTIONABLE THINGS LIKE WHETHER I SHOULD FIND A WAY TO GET CLOSER TO WHAT I WANT OR STARE AT MY GOLDFISH WONDERING WHAT HE THINKS ABOUT ALL DAY, IF THE WORLD IS ALL GOOD AND WE’RE JUST COMPLICATIONS AND IF AVOCADOS TRULY ARE THAT NICE.

AFTER A MONTH OF TREATING MYSELF WITH THE IDEA I’M NOT THAT MUCH OF A WALKING MESS, THAT I CAN JUST LAY IN BED FOR A WHILE LONGER AND GO TO APERITIFS AND DATING PEOPLE MET IN BARS, WELL, I REALIZED A SIMPLER WAY OF LIFE IS NOT FOR ME. AND FOR HOWEVER MUCH I SOMETIMES CROSS MY FINGERS TO FORGET ABOUT THOSE IDEAS THAT KEEP ME AWAKE AT NIGHT, I DECIDED TO TEAR DOWN THE WALL I PATIENTLY BUILT AROUND THE MESSY, FUCK-UP THAT I AM. AND BREATHED. BECAUSE THERE’S NOTHING MORE LIBERATING THAN ALLOWING YOURSELF TO BE YOU AND NOT WORRY ABOUT PLEASING EVERYONE CROSSING YOUR EYES, SHEETS OR MIND.

 

AFTER YEARS OF PILING UP EXPERIENCE IN ALL THINGS PHOTOGENIC ON MY RESUME, AFRAID OF MAKING MY BIG MOVE – BUT STILL PUSHING AWAY ALL THINGS PEOPLE LOOK FOR LIKE SOMEONE TO GO BACK HOME TO AND NUMBERS TO CALL AND ASK IF IT’S SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE TO STILL MAKE OUT IN A CLUB AND BLAME IT ON THE ALCOHOL -, I DECIDED TO OPEN THE DRAWER WHERE I’VE SILENTLY BEEN WATERING THE IDEA OF GETTING OUT THERE AND GIVE IT A SHOT.

SO I’M PLANNING A JOURNEY IN ANOTHER CORNER OF THE WORLD.

NOT SURE IF IT’S THE RIGHT THING TO DO, BUT IF I KEEP COMING BACK TO THAT THOUGHT AFTER SO LONG, AN IDEA BEGGING AND BUGGING ME TO LISTEN TO IT, THEN I GUESS THAT’S THE SIGN I’VE BEEN ASKING ALL GODS AND FORTUNE COOKIES AND HOROSCOPES FOR. BECAUSE THERE’S NOTHING LIKE THE RIGHT MOMENT OR THE PERFECT CIRCUMSTANCE. IT’S MORE OF WHAT YOU DECIDE TO DO WITH YOUR DAYS, DUSTING OFF THOSE IDEAS YOU’VE TRIED TO KEEP OUTSIDE YOUR CHEST AND LISTEN TO YOUR GUTS.

BECAUSE IT’S NOT YOUR THOUGHTS THAT ARE TOO TANGLED, YOU SIMPLY HAVEN’T FOUND THE RIGHT COMB YET.

SO HERE’S THE START OF A JOURNAL, ON THE HIDDEN BEAUTY OF SIMPLE THINGS, GETTING LOST AND IMPROVISING LIFE. FROM SCRATCH, A WHITE CANVAS.  

AND I’VE NEVER BEEN THIS HAPPY.

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