words for me

Paris, Spring 2017

I find it funny how watching those pink clouds moving can make you feel so small, one more human being in the universe, nothing else, nothing more.

I tend to find myself lost in tremendous thoughts, and I always forget the bigger picture. I forget that I live to survive, and not to spoil myself. I forget that I live among others, and that might be why I feel so lonely.

I’m used to finding excuses for loneliness. I’m an only-child, I don’t want to surround myself with people I don’t appreciate, I don’t want to waste my time with who could hurt me. Yet, when I go to back to an empty bed, and I’m left with my thoughts, I put things into perspective and feel, profoundly.

It doesn’t matter if you’re old or young, rich or poor. We’re all facing the same fear of ending up alone. So here’s a letter to myself and for all of you finding this;

 

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Tropics in Paris / Spring

 

Dear me,

I don’t think you take enough time to think about what matters. Stop wasting precious years, you’re missing out the fun part, following the plan you’ve set too closely. We all have a plan, but we don’t all stick to it. You’re too caught up in the image you have of your life. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, but it’s not the way I would like you to be. I want you to embrace life, I want you to not think about tomorrow. 

You might regret a lot of things, but that’s how it goes when you’re young. You don’t know where you might be in a couple of years, and I know it’s scary as hell, but for now focus on what you have, on what you want and stop listening to everyone around you advising you what your next move should be.

You might seem lost, but they won’t know what’s best for you.
You shouldn’t let people dictate the way you should live. You shouldn’t listen to people telling you that you’re not enough, that your clothes are ridiculous and that you’ve got no style. Stop caring about that.

You are your own soul and body, so be it.
I know it’s easier said than done, but give it a try. As you’ve said many times, you won’t know until you try. What do you have to lose? Your pride? Cut the bullshit. Don’t let go of what you’ve have left of your youth, don’t let go of your dreams. You might be 20 now, but time goes by quickly, and you’ve gotta enjoy the small things you have.

One last thing, build up your confidence. It takes time, but love yourself the way you are. Stop judging yourself, and I know it’s hard.
The advice I can give you is to stop thinking too much, focus on what you like about yourself, and stop being harsh on others the same way you’re hard on yourself. I know you’re afraid of what others think because they might judge, but who cares? Think beautiful, act beautiful.

Have a drink and chill. You have all your life ahead of you, stop stressing out for bullshit, you’ll find a way.

 

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Theatre des Arts

 

 

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