Amsterdam | April, 2017
It is said that once you set free from the roots chaining you to a place, then everything else will follow. Sure, not all will turn out to be long sunsets and open bars – but if you’re ready to experiment a bit, you’ll realize how much there’s out there to be found. Yes, you’ll need to leave stuff behind – familiar faces you could draw by heart, comfortable corners of routine and perfect timing. But if there’s something I’m proud of doing in my life is packing some random combinations of clothes and things to remind me of what home feels like and getting aboard this experiment I call life.
After years of attempts and roller coasting through life and trying lifestyles out like I do in shops, I can tell the only way to get what you want is to just suck it up, follow your pulse and go with the flow. There’s no fortune cookie, future teller or divine mission composing all things around you in a flawless sign telling you what to do next, which state to move to or what job to settle for. The only way is getting yourself comfortable with the idea that everything is temporary – no matter if we’re talking about sleeping in a shithole for a ration of your life, the bonds you make with people found on the way or the goodness of Thai food delivered to your porch. And yes, it may be scary to know that most of what you’re building around you has an expiry date, but this shouldn’t be the think keeping you from trying life out.
Take me for example. I’m surely not the perfect human being hell no. Throughout the past few years I’ve been settling here and there for a while, trying countries and relationships and routines out. I’ve often run away from circumstances when long term started to kick in or when I realized I was getting used to how things were. When things get real I just have to breathe again and my compensation is leaving. Little difference if it’s moving round the corner or hours of train and airplane and buses away. But if I settled at the first thing that came my way, if I let this spiral of easiness e infatuate me, I wouldn’t be the person I am now and wouldn’t have watered little by little this crazy plan I’m trying to figure out. So here I am, living out of a suitcase in Holland for a while, trying to blend all heterogeneous things like exams, a full time job, three meals a day and a couple drinks now and then. And yes I may feel like I’m losing it from time to time, and yes it’s not what I painted in my head before landing here, but hell yes if I’m happy I followed that stubbornness of mine pushing me to get rid of all preconceptions and low self esteem and grab situations at the right time.
Life definitely isn’t all free gifts and smooth days out there, but sure it’s worth a ride. And yes, for a while you’ll just have to deal with the idea of long hours at work, an unbalanced diet of coffee and breakfast food for dinner and that constant financial limbo keeping you on the porch of breakdown and half an hours spent swiping left and right with one hand and crossing the fingers of the other hand that you might find some sort of temporary soulmate looking to fix life as you are. But it’ll all get together, you just have to start from scratch and shape your way to who you want to be.
This is just another chance I’m grabbing with my hands and arms and legs and hold my breath and my body may feel sore but it’s worth it, to try and show myself that I’m not the disaster I think of me.