Guide on Finding a Not-So Prince Charming

Pauline Rocchia – January 2017, U.K.

Lately, I have been thinking about love and relationships.

Why is it that so many women end up heartbroken and hopeless in love? Why can’t we just focus on ourselves instead of looking for a perpetual flirt or partner? I am definitely not an expert on the matter, but here are my thoughts.

What I see, all the fuss about love and finding your “soulmate” is all bullshit. Relationships are about two persons – so far, so good – sharing feelings for one another for a period of time. Firstly, it won’t last. Secondly, we always end up being frustrated. Thirdly, the pain.

I do have a theory though: we are unsatisfied creatures with this recurrent need of more, but when is the right time to say “now is enough” and settle down? Everyone has got issues, deep or superficial, turning every situation into a mess. But if you stop and have a closer look, someone likes you and it’s mutual, why complicating it? Why think that you’re not good enough, or too much of it?

There is one thing I noticed, we have patterns in relationships. We tend to always go for the same ones – fucked up, insecure, or jealous. Even if we know the guy is not the right one, it is just too tempting not to flirt.  

In this mad world, if you are a hopeless romantic, you’re screwed. It’s just all about technology, and appearance – proof: scroll right to have sex, scroll left for the next potential one, but which direction for “love”? Even if you want to persuade yourself that you just need a fuck buddy, deep inside of you, you’re still expecting the guy to text you the morning after. 

Are relationships so complicated because we complicate them – thinking too much, or not enough – having high expectations or none? Yet everywhere we go, it seems like our lives are all about searching for this so-called “soulmate”, finding it, getting attached and get all lovey-duvey. But then if everyone wants it, where does all the drama come from? Why care about who’s going to text first and how long it’s been since the other’s last reply? Am I going to find the right one? All these questions and you’re only 20-something. Can you imagine what it will be in some handfuls of years? For god’s sake in your at this age you’re not supposed to find the perfect guy – god knows if he exists. No responsibility, no judgment, no nothing, just you with yourself and more than one partner. 

Do what feels right. Do what your guts tell you.

I’ve come to the conclusion that our world is fucked up, men think of women as objects of pleasure, “grab them by the pussy” they say, well you know what? We can grab balls too. It’s not a question of patriarhism or feminism, but respect between two human beings. So please stop worrying because your sweetheart might be talking to this other girl he met on Tinder, stop worrying if your guy keeps liking pictures of butts on Instagram.

I do believe we would have fewer issues dealing with relationships and love if we didn’t grow up with the idea that men are prince charming, and you’re their one and only. I wish someone would have warned me about all those useless yet enjoyable games, instead of reading me Cinderella. Fuck this. Instead, adults should teach children how tough it is out there, that you need to earn respect, that you shouldn’t force yourself on someone, that no is no.

Do me a favor, enjoy your singleness or your passionate relationship while it lasts (both of those relationship statuses will most probably change as much as your profile picture on Facebook). All I’m saying is that at the end of the day, it’s just you with yourself, so instead of working on a relationship, care for yourself, not for someone else to like your boobs on a picture.

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